Ups & Downs

A couple weeks ago I got to do something that I haven't been able to do in a long time. I got to wear jeans. My momma took me shopping for my birthday, because I think she's even tired of my constant gym clothes attire. I thought "Why not? Just try them on" when I saw a pair of jeans. Pants have always been hard for me. I have larger hips and quite the butt, then I'm also short. I gave up on being "trendy" in any sense of the word in my teens. I had jeans, but they were the elastic waist "mom" jeans. My sister-in-law even joked about getting me pajama jeans..She would never do that. No hate mail please.

I stepped into the dressing room with a couple different cuts and sizes and tired them on. First was a strike, they were about 8 inches too long and were so wide they looked like a skirt. Second pair, were these (in the photo). I stood in the window and teared up a bit. They had a zipper and buttons. The length was perfect. Needless to say, I bought two pairs.  I got to wear them out, and it's nice to wear clothes that everyone else wears and takes for granted. I felt pretty for the first time in a long time. Not the ego matters, but it does get me out of the house.

Then yesterday, this happened.

My trainer at HotBox is pretty hardcore. At the strength class last night, the TRX was part of the circuit. That's not out of the ordinary. I'm usually pretty good at it too, expect when it involves putting my feet in the handles. I don't have the confidence yet. I wind up spending the 5 minutes at that station being frustrated and wanting to set the TRX on fire. However, each time I get better. Last night, I had to try the TRX burpie. I got about 3 of them..Then on round 2, I fell straight down. No one saw, other than my trainer. I'm not embarrassed that I fell. I fall frequently, it's nothing new. I was more so frustrated that I couldn't do it. I have unrealistic expectations of myself. I feel like I should get things right on the first go. Which is dumb. No one can do that. I, however, felt as though I should. So I cried the rest of the time during class and until I pulled into the driveway at my house. My trainer kept asking if I was okay, thinking maybe I was hurt. Just my ego. It was really bruised.

Today is a new day and I need to learn not to be so hard on myself. Everything will be okay. And I will not be defeated by the TRX.